I am so tired of doing everything myself. He doesnt help clean, or pick up after himself for that matter. Doesnt cook but will bitch at me when I dont want to cook.
A couple days ago he called me a bad mother again. I dont care if he was jokeing or not that is not something to say.
He also tends to make plans and not tell me until the last minute. He told me thursday night we may be going on a trip friday morning. There was nothing packed, no plans made for someone to feed and take care of the pets, and we had no money to go. Then this morning he told me he was going to work out after work after I just told him I have a meeting at 6:30. Then he expects me to pack all the kids into the car and have him pick them up with my car to take them home. It is one thing if there is no way around it but he doesnt need to go and do this tonight. Then he tells me he cant get out of it because he is a "man of his word" what bull shit. If he was a man of his word there is a lot of things he would have done for me and the family along time ago.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Last 4 years
In the last 4 years I have been though a lot and done alot of nothing at the same time.
During my pregnancy in 2008 I started to knotest my life repeating itself. We moved yet again into a 4 bedroom house. My parents came out to a visit in early 08 and helped me unpack some. He went of for some new training. His mother whom I hate came for christmas 08 and was there to watch the kids while I had Baby number 3.
Within a couple of months have having my son we started fighting again. It seems like if I am not prego we fight and when I was prego life was good. I asked him if this is the way he felt. I should be barefoot and prego all the time. He said no but I am not sure if I should believe him.
My sex drive went way down after having baby number 3 and he didnt understand why. He tryed several times to get me to go get help. I was just not interested. It got to the point were he would grop me when ever I passed by him. I cant sit near him or walk past him without him touching my breast. I feel so violated. I would tell him no but he just keeps on doing it. I tryed to tell him no for sex. Most nights he would get so pissed I thought he was going to hit me. He goes into his depresive state where he sits on the coach and does nothing, doesnt talk or when he does he is yelling. I will only deal with this for a couple of days before finally giving in and let him get what he wants.
He has become semi-vilent in bed too. There has been several times where I have passed out from him chocking me and I would wake up to him still going at it. He didnt even know. I will cry and scream for him to stop but it is like it turns him on. I did ask for some way to change up the ruten alittle but was not looking for this. I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just ignors me. I can not sleep some night because hetends to rub is hard penis all over me. or tryed to rape me in my sleep which he has done on several occations.
So now I am stuck in a forin country with a sick prervert and no way out.
We were only suppost to be here for 3 years but he decided to extend our stay. He asked me if I wanted to and I pleaded to go back to the US. Finally after the 9th or 10th time of him asking me what I wanted to do I blew up and told him to do what ever he wants because he will do it anyway. So he extended. He are now here until 2014.
One day I got home from the grocery store and walked down to talk to a friend. He comes running down the street screaming about how we should not smoke in the car. His car. I know we had talked about it. I know he smokes in the car when he goes to work though. I was so imbareds I begain to cry right there in the middle of the street. He didnt care. My friend comfortend me and I eventually went back to the house he here more about how I should not be smoking in the car. I was a bad mother to be putting my kids at risk, as so on.
He left for some more training in 2010 for 2 months. I took this time to talk to some counclers and someone with legal training. Legal told me we would have to be separated for 1 year for them to help. I have a file with the counclers though with everything he has done. All I need to do is make the call and he will be pulled from the house for no less than 3 days no contact. I can then have this extended and put into motion everything that would get me back to the states. However I am so scared to do this. I am afraid he will come after me and try to hurt me or the kids.
Trying to keep me here longer he got me a cat for my birthday in 2009. The following year just as I was getting things sorted out he bought me a car for my birthday. I love the car but i know it is just his way to try and keep me here. So I live on walking on eggshells trying not to make him mad and have him blow up. Sometimes I think about doing something to make him mad just so I can call the police on him and get home but then where do I go. How will I have money to live off of and take care of my kids. I have had several oppurtunitys to just not come back. But I cant put the kids in that kind of a situation. They are my life.
During my pregnancy in 2008 I started to knotest my life repeating itself. We moved yet again into a 4 bedroom house. My parents came out to a visit in early 08 and helped me unpack some. He went of for some new training. His mother whom I hate came for christmas 08 and was there to watch the kids while I had Baby number 3.
Within a couple of months have having my son we started fighting again. It seems like if I am not prego we fight and when I was prego life was good. I asked him if this is the way he felt. I should be barefoot and prego all the time. He said no but I am not sure if I should believe him.
My sex drive went way down after having baby number 3 and he didnt understand why. He tryed several times to get me to go get help. I was just not interested. It got to the point were he would grop me when ever I passed by him. I cant sit near him or walk past him without him touching my breast. I feel so violated. I would tell him no but he just keeps on doing it. I tryed to tell him no for sex. Most nights he would get so pissed I thought he was going to hit me. He goes into his depresive state where he sits on the coach and does nothing, doesnt talk or when he does he is yelling. I will only deal with this for a couple of days before finally giving in and let him get what he wants.
He has become semi-vilent in bed too. There has been several times where I have passed out from him chocking me and I would wake up to him still going at it. He didnt even know. I will cry and scream for him to stop but it is like it turns him on. I did ask for some way to change up the ruten alittle but was not looking for this. I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just ignors me. I can not sleep some night because hetends to rub is hard penis all over me. or tryed to rape me in my sleep which he has done on several occations.
So now I am stuck in a forin country with a sick prervert and no way out.
We were only suppost to be here for 3 years but he decided to extend our stay. He asked me if I wanted to and I pleaded to go back to the US. Finally after the 9th or 10th time of him asking me what I wanted to do I blew up and told him to do what ever he wants because he will do it anyway. So he extended. He are now here until 2014.
One day I got home from the grocery store and walked down to talk to a friend. He comes running down the street screaming about how we should not smoke in the car. His car. I know we had talked about it. I know he smokes in the car when he goes to work though. I was so imbareds I begain to cry right there in the middle of the street. He didnt care. My friend comfortend me and I eventually went back to the house he here more about how I should not be smoking in the car. I was a bad mother to be putting my kids at risk, as so on.
He left for some more training in 2010 for 2 months. I took this time to talk to some counclers and someone with legal training. Legal told me we would have to be separated for 1 year for them to help. I have a file with the counclers though with everything he has done. All I need to do is make the call and he will be pulled from the house for no less than 3 days no contact. I can then have this extended and put into motion everything that would get me back to the states. However I am so scared to do this. I am afraid he will come after me and try to hurt me or the kids.
Trying to keep me here longer he got me a cat for my birthday in 2009. The following year just as I was getting things sorted out he bought me a car for my birthday. I love the car but i know it is just his way to try and keep me here. So I live on walking on eggshells trying not to make him mad and have him blow up. Sometimes I think about doing something to make him mad just so I can call the police on him and get home but then where do I go. How will I have money to live off of and take care of my kids. I have had several oppurtunitys to just not come back. But I cant put the kids in that kind of a situation. They are my life.
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